


Attack!

by TonyStarkissist



Series: The Adventures of Uncle Tony and his gaggle of li'l Chil'ren [6]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, He's a good uncle too, IronUncle, Irondad, Peter Parker Wants A Hug, Precious Peter Parker, Rouhghousing, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs Sleep, Tony Stark is Good With Kids, Tony is totally Peter's dad, Twitter strikes again, Uncle Tony Stark, cuddlepile
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-24 06:18:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18162410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TonyStarkissist/pseuds/TonyStarkissist
Summary: So, he made a spur of the moment decision to take a little snooze there on the couch… where he could have easily been interrupted. How stupid could he possibly be? His room was only a few more steps down the hall… he could have made it.Not even 20 minutes later and his eardrums were already being ambushed by a familiar banshee screech and running footsteps. He most definitely didn't commit to a pitiful whine in the back of his throat when he realized just what was about to go down.OR: Tony gets attacked... in a good way





	Attack!

**Author's Note:**

> I'd advise on reading the previous fics first to make sense of the small details in this one. If not, this fic isn't super dependent on the others in the series. Thx for reading :)

He had been sleeping on the couch… and now that he looked back on it… what a stupid decision that was. He should have known better than to leave himself vulnerable in the Living Room for more than 10 minutes at a time when there were multiple hyperaware, hyperactive, nosey little children roaming around.

Of course, at the time, he wasn't really thinking about that particular detail. He had simply trudged into the empty room after a long binge down in his lab and saw the comfy couch sitting there in all its empty and cozy glory in the vacant room. So, he made a spur of the moment decision to take a little snooze there on the couch… where he could have easily been interrupted. How stupid could he possibly be? His room was only a few more steps down the hall… he could have made it.

Not even 20 minutes later and his eardrums were already being ambushed by a familiar banshee screech and running footsteps. He most definitely didn't commit to a pitiful whine in the back of his throat when he realized just what was about to go down.

“ATTACK!!” She screeched, moments before she leaped onto his stomach, knocking the air out of his lungs. His eyes shot wide open and he huffed painfully as he instinctively hunkered forward in an attempt to compensate for Lila's poor choice in landing sites.

“Oof,” he groaned, slowly releasing the tension in his muscles, and returning to his original position splayed across the couch after releasing a pained and tired sigh. Lila giggled maniacally from her spot draped over his most definitely punctured abdomen. 

He should have known there was more to come. The gaggle of children never separated from their little pack. They always went through with their obnoxious schemes together. So, really, he should _not_ have let his guard down. Before he could even comprehend what was happening, he spotted Nate's small form pull itself up over the back of the couch. It troubled him when he realized a toddler was legit scaling the back of his couch until he noticed Cassie struggling to get him over the piece of furniture while also trying to avoid being spotted.

“Hey, Nate, whatch- OOF!!” Tony's eyes bugged out again, and once again his body hunkered closer together, because Nate seemingly didn't understand the concept of sensitive crotches yet. The boy literally elbowed him right where it hurt the most. “Son of a-” Tony clamped his mouth together firmly, gently nudging Nate out if the way with his legs so he could cover the sensitive area with the protective layer of his hand. All three children seemed to find his pain beyond hilarious… he, however, did not.

“What are you three doing?” Tony gritted out, resituating himself on the couch and retracting his hand to help support Nate as he made a trapeze attempt along his outstretched leg.

“We missed you!” Lila giggled, wrapping her arms tightly around her uncle's neck.

“I'm sure you did,” Tony grunted out.

Then, Cassie was joining the fray. She threw herself over the back of the couch, landing somewhere near his feet. She scrambled up, moving towards where the other two were actively suffocating him. Soon all three children were posted, squished, and draped along his waist and chest, and he had to fight the strong urge to just shove them off so he could escape to his room and take that nap he oh so desired.

He didn't have to fight the urge long, because he soon found himself dropping right to the floor, hitting the ground with a loud thud and a pained ‘oof’. He stared, dumbfounded, at the group of cackling children as they jumped up and down on his couch in celebration. It was like… he didn’t even expect it. One moment he was lying on the comfy couch with giggling children surrounding him, and the next… he was on the floor.

He just couldn't believe the little devils literally just shoved him off his own couch. So, he simply sighed and laid there, hoping that if he was still enough, they wouldn’t be able to see him. After a few months of interacting with them, he was pretty sure he knew how children worked; at least these children. They were looking for a reaction from him, so logic dictated… not to offer a reaction. Maybe if he just pretended to be unbothered and continued his attempts at a nap on the carpeted floor… they might decide to leave him alone. 

That didn't seem to work. 

Nate seemed worried by his quiet refusal to feed their desires and provoke their childish tendency to attack almost everything that moved. The little boy scrambled off the couch, rather ungracefully as any three-year-old would. Using his uncle's chest to step down. The little boy hunkered down, hovered over Tony's face, and took a seat right on his collarbone. Tony sighed in irritation as the kid began to poke at his cheeks, nose, mouth, and anywhere he seemed to be able to stick his chubby little finger. He didn’t seem to get the very obvious message: Uncle Tony didn’t want to be bothered.

“Unc'e Tony? You okay?”

Tony sighed, reaching up to grab onto his little hand before he could poke his eye out. “I'm fine.”

He didn't mean to sound terse… but he thought it seemed rather justified to be irritated after being shoved off his own couch while mustering an attempt at a peaceful sleep, which he didn’t get all too often.

He realized that the desired nap he was looking for would never be successful out in the open, where curious little children could ambush him whenever they oh so desired. So, he braced his hand against Nate's back as he slowly sat up from the floor. The two girls were still giggling, and he couldn't help but smile just a little bit. He hated to admit it, but hearing child’s laughter, especially now that he’s so used to it, always cheered him up when he was in a touchy mood. It was just one of those things...

“Alright kiddos. Why don't you go find Pete and go bother him for a while? Uncle Tony needs a nap.” 

Tony stood and playfully, but gently, swung Nate onto the couch, dropping him and pressing his back into the cushions with a small series of tickles to his stomach.

Cassie seemed to find that as an open invitation to try and scale up his back. 

“You think I'm a tree or something, Pipsqueak?” Tony jests, releasing Nate and spinning in a slow circle in a feeble attempt to detach the girl. 

“Yes!” She squeaked, giggling happily as Tony continued to spin. By then Nate was bouncing up and down on the cushions excitedly, looking eager to join in on the fun, and Tony realized he should probably stop encouraging them before he got roped into something he’d rather not do.

So, he turned until his back was facing the couch and he reached awkwardly behind him to wiggle his fingers beneath Cassie's exposed armpits, and she released him with a loud squeal before falling back into the large cushions. 

He quickly retreated before anyone else could attach to him again. 

“Alright guys, maybe we can play later, but I'm gonna go get some rest, kay?”

He really should have been more suspicious when there wasn't even an ounce of objection from the group. Not a single protest. Just childish grins watching his retreating figure.

He couldn't help but frown to himself as he headed towards the exit of the room. It was never that easy to blow the children off, because if it was then he wouldn't be finding himself with a frilly, pink scarf wrapped around his neck while holding a miniature cup of tea at least twice a week during their monthly visits.

So… when he felt a hard figure colliding with his side, he realized the ambush wasn't quite over. The kids seemed to be getting wiser… their attacks were becoming more conniving and planned out. 

Sadly, those were his only thoughts as he found himself nose diving towards the carpet with a heavy weight following along behind him. 

In a span of just a second, he rolled to the side in midair and reached a hand around to grab at his attacker, moving them out of the way so he wouldn't smush them with his body. They both landed in a pile of tangled limbs and whispered curses on Tony's part when he landed rather heavily on his shoulder. 

He came face to face with Cooper Barton… he could most definitely say he wasn't expecting that. 

The boy buckled over in laughter, draping himself across Tony’s torso as he tried to contain his giggles. 

“You should have seen your face,” he laughed. Tony frowned at him, grimacing slightly when he maneuvered his body slightly, only to find an already sore back and bruised shoulder. He was getting way too old for this.

“I’m sure it was hilarious,” Tony grunted irritatedly, pushing himself up and causing Cooper to follow in the process.

Then… he got an evil idea. A small grin slowly crept onto his face and he raised his brows contemplatively as he turned his head to look at the laughing boy sprawled beside him.

With one swift motion, he was on his feet with a shrieking thirteen-year-old thrown over his shoulder.

“My turn,” he growled playfully, bolting towards the couch with Cooper struggling to escape his grasp. He flung the boy over his shoulder again with so much strength it even surprised him. He threw him onto the couch adjacent to the one holding the bouncing children. He placed his hands firmly on Coop’s chest and pushed him into the cushions of the couch with a wicked grin as he shook him back and forth playfully.

“You’re gonna need a lot more than that to take down Iron Man buddy.”

Then there was another tiny person leaping onto his back, and he received an earful of excited giggles and happy screeches chanting ‘let him go!’ let him go!’

He released Cooper and spun in a slow circle before flinging Lila onto the couch as well. His irritation was slowly dispersing, and was quickly being replaced by an eager, mischievous grin.

He didn’t mean to start enjoying himself… that wasn’t really the plan. But here he was…

It soon mutated into an all-out war, and he found himself being attacked at all fronts. Nate was apparently in charge of his feet, because that’s where he seemed to be most of the time. Cassie was constantly leaping onto his back. Lila, attacked his legs and waist, and Cooper’s job was to apparently continuously ram into his side in an attempt to knock him over. They succeeded in knocking him to the ground a couple of times, and he was extra careful to avoid smushing any small fingers or toes on his way down whenever that happened. He was quick to scramble back up each time though, throwing children every which way as he fought out of the mess of limbs on the floor. He was always sure to aim them towards some sort of cushion. He didn’t need any angry superhero dads confronting him for hurting their children.

Then, once he was back on his feet, it would start all over again. Every time he was successfully able to toss a child onto the couch with a playful growl and quick round of tickles to the stomach, the next one was up and ready to reattach themselves to him. They worked like a swarm of bees, especially with all the incessant giggling going on, which sounded scarily similar to the buzzing of angry bees.

Soon, the three younger ones were collapsed on the couch, their faces red and sweaty as their chests heaved up and down with heavy breaths. Cooper stood rigidly beside the couch, grinning excitedly as he eyed his uncle suspiciously. He was ready to jump into action if Tony decided to revert to a surprise attack.

Tony felt a little beat himself. It’d been awhile since he went through that rigorous of a workout. Apparently, it was more tiring to wrestle four hyper children than it was to do 100 pushups.

He was sure to look triumphant when he placed his hands on his hips and smiled down at the exhausted children with an amused smile.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk. You should know better than to take me on without any reliable back up.”

“We have backup!” Lila argues breathlessly, wearing a happy grin on her face as she tries to swipe away the thin strands of hair that had glued to her sweaty forehead. 

Tony rolls his eyes and approached the couch to attack her with more tickles.

“No offense Giggles, but Coop here isn’t enough to take on an Avenger.”

Cooper looked somewhat offended by the jab, but Tony was more distracted by the way Lila grinned knowingly at him and rolled her eyes as if _he_ were the one that was stupid.

“Cooper’s not back up,” she giggled, “it’s someone else.”

Tony’s eyes widened slightly in panic. Who else could it be? He hoped to goodness knows who that the children hadn’t recruited Steve or Natasha to take him down, because they most definitely could. Even Scott could probably take him- wait no, without the shrinking suit Tony could totally beat him. He didn’t think he’d be able to live through the embarrassment of his nieces and nephews watching him get pummeled by Captain America or Black Widow. While he was busy planning his means of escape, Cassie was sitting up and cupping a hand around her mouth.

“CODE RED!!” Cassie shouted suddenly, shaking Tony out of his panic.

That’s when Tony remembered… he remembered who he had brought over for the weekend with the sole purpose of keeping the children entertained while he worked. Peter. Of course it was Peter. And it was probably Peter who organized this whole mess too… that little demon.

He stood up straight and glanced around the room to try and spot the boy before he attacked. 

“AHHHH!” There was a loud Tarzan-like shriek whistling behind him, and he glanced over his shoulder just in time to witness the amusing picture of a grinning Peter swinging at him with a web, with his flannel shirt willowing behind him in the air.

Next thing he knew… there was a spider attached to his back. The collision sent him stumbling, and he tried his best to make a graceful landing, but ultimately failed. He narrowed his eyes over at Peter, while he lied on the ground, who seemed to find much joy in tackling his father. So, Tony jumped up, and much like he did Cooper, he grabbed Peter, swung him over his shoulder and marched over to the couch to toss him roughly onto the cushions. 

The kid was surprisingly light… almost as light as Cassie or Lila, but that probably had to do with his spidery DNA.

Though, having Peter around seemed to reinvigorate the group, and they were all back at it in a matter of moments. Now it was five against one, and Tony felt it was just a little unfair, especially since they had a superhuman spider on their side. Thankfully, Peter didn’t seem all too eager to use his powers against him, much preferring to allow Tony to fling him around just as he did the other kids.

He kicked and wiggled while trying to escape Tony when he trapped him against the couch to tickle him, as was Tony’s signature move, before being pulled away by another child tugging at his jeans. He didn’t use his super strength to get away or use his senses to escape capture. He laughed and played with the others… and giving Tony a good run for his money while he was at it.

Then, after a few more minutes, Tony found himself getting rather exhausted, and Peter was once again putting to use his Tarzan yodel while flying across the room with his webs and reattaching himself to Tony’s back in a last-ditch attempt at a surprise attack. 

He tried turning his head to get a look at the kid, but all he got was a view of sweaty brown curls. The surprise attack was most definitely a surprise, and apparently the children took that as an opportunity to finish him off. While he was distracted, Nate had scrambled off the couch and attached himself to the back of his legs, sitting down and squeezing his arms tightly around his ankles. Then, Lila latched her arms around his waist from his right side, while Cassie took his left. 

Then, sure enough, Cooper rammed straight into him from behind, pushing him to the floor with children raining down around him. He took extra precaution and made sure he didn’t land on anybody, and they were all sent to the floor in a mess of limbs and triumphant giggles.

He groaned around his laughter and rolled onto his back after Peter had detached from him. Nate was giggling and laughing at his feet with Lila and Cassie at either side. Cooper was seated beside them, and Tony cocked his head to the side to see Peter trying to escape from the massive pile.

“Where you think you’re going, kid?” Tony grunted playfully, reaching out with quick reflexes to grab ahold of Peter’s wrist and tugging him back onto the floor. Peter grinned sheepishly when he stumbled and fell onto the man’s chest. Tony cocked his eyebrow at him in response. “You really think you can get away with attacking your old man that easily?”

Peter didn’t say a word.

“I see,” Tony smirked, laying his head back against the carpet with a sigh, pursing his lips.

Peter remained beside him, as did the other children, and Tony didn’t make any effort to get back up… and he finally admitted defeat.

“I don’t understand why you provoked them to do this,” Tony grumbled, on the verge of slipping off to sleep right there on the Common Room floor. Peter spluttered in his rush to defend himself.

“You think this was my idea?!” He squawked.

“I _know_ it was your idea,” Tony replied without even missing a beat. Peter didn’t say anything after that, so he knew he was right. 

“Alright kiddos,” Tony sighed contentedly, feeling the exertion from their roughhousing session seep into his muscles. “I’m just gonna… take myself a nice old man nap.”

He didn’t get a response, so he took it as a good sign. He felt some shifting around, but he didn’t pay it much attention as he slipped off into unconsciousness.

The floor was ironically extremely comfortable…

***

Steve, Natasha, and Scott found the six of them sprawled across the floor about 15 minutes later. Tony’s limbs were outstretched across the floor, lying on his back and his mouth hanging wide open. Nate found a little nesting place between his legs, pillowing his little head on his thigh, right above Tony’s knee. Lila was curled up to his side, under his right arm, the top of her head tucked securely beneath his armpit. Cassie was draped over Lila’s tiny form so she could press her face into the Tony’s stomach and the man’s right hand was unconsciously circled around her small ankle as he slept. Peter was sprawled out perpendicular to the man, with his head pillowed comfortably on his chest as he took part in the group nap as well.

Cooper was the only one awake. He was playing on his phone. Though, that didn’t mean he wasn’t in some form of contact with the unconscious man. He was lounging next to Peter, with his back pressed against Tony’s side and his elbow propped up on the man’s hip as he held his phone up so he could watch whatever YouTube thing he was watching.

“Oh my god,” Scott laughed, grinning goofily at the scene.

It was literally just a humongous cuddle pile right in the middle of their living room. A very messy living room… The pillows were thrown everywhere, the coffee table was totally off kilter, and the couch cushions were extremely uneven.

“What the hell happened?” Steve breathed at the same time as Scott’s outburst as he glanced between Tony and the kids and the mess in the Living Room

Cooper snapped up ramrod straight when he noticed the presence of others in the room. He scrambled away from the group, trying his best to look indifferent as he distanced himself as much as possible. He knew it was already too late, but he could at least try to salvage a part of his dignity…

“The children attacked Boss,” FRIDAY replied quietly from the ceiling, “and they all decided to take a nap afterwards. It seemed to have drained a significant amount of their energy.”

Natasha’s eyebrows shot up.

“Yes, and I recorded the whole thing,” ALBERT announced, sounding excited and eager.

“God, we gotta see that,” Scott grinned.

The three left the room quickly to view the video ALBERT promised them, and they were most definitely inviting the rest of the group to watch as well.

Cooper waited a minute or two before hesitantly scooting back over to the group and curling in closer to the sleeping man, bracing his phone on his knees. He didn't even try to stop the others from watching the video, because he knew they’d get a kick out of it, even if Tony would most definitely refute any claim to having enjoyed it himself.

***

The next day, _#UncleTony_ was trending again… 

Tony didn’t like it at all. He lectured ALBERT incessantly for maybe an hour, before he checked the source of the leaked video… it led right back to Clint Barton’s Twitter account. He was so tempted to smother the archer in his sleep. And if he got _one_ more tweet from some random Twitter person requesting to be adopted into their pseudo family as his new niece/nephew, he will most definitely do it.

Because at this point, he was an uncle to a thousand or two obsessed Twitter fans. Geez… the things he went through for these kids.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so I hope you guys enjoyed this. This one was more of a spur of the moment fic, and it wasn't very well thought out, so sorry for that. But I have tons of ideas for future Uncle Tony stuff, and I'd like to know what you guys would like as well.
> 
> I'm definitely going to try and fit Groot in here at some point. Also, what do you guys think about Harley? Or is he more of a son to Tony rather than an nephew? I don't know... and I'm gonna try and put in some of Pepper's family to basically make Tony the ultimate uncle with a huge collection of children... I don't know goodness for some reason I just like the idea of all these children following him while he's trying to escape from them.  
> But if you have any suggestions PLEASE let me know. I have literally nothing else to go on, so I'm kinda grasping at strings lol
> 
> Anyways thx so much for reading. I love all of you and I appreciate all the support you give me :)


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